|| For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic

Stay With Me - An Edward/Bella Oneshot

2008-04-27T20:53:03Z

Title: Stay With Me
Characters: Edward/Bella
Words: 2794
Authors note: Made as a challenge to the community part_of_him to these lyrics:

I saw you standing in the corner
On the edge of a burning light
I saw you standing in the corner
Come to me again in the cold, cold night
You make me feel a little older
Like a full grown woman might
But when you're gone I grow colder
In the cold, cold night

It's set during New Moon, so spoilers for that one, I guess.

Also, thanks to angeldylan628 for betaing this for me!

Summary: On a cold, cold night, Edward has decided to revisit his love, Bella, who gladly takes him back in her arms again. Told in Bella's POV.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, books, lyrics that are used in this oneshot!

Stay With Me

I awoke abruptly, startled by the storm that was whirling with incredible force outside my window, and by the nightmare that was drowning away in the noise. I shuddered and shook my head, willing the last remnants of the dream to disappear, locking it in my subconscious and hoping that it would never find its way to the surface again.

As I shook my head, I saw a slight movement in the corner. The lightning flickered, illuminating a strand of bronze hair falling casually over one topaz eye. My breath caught in my throat, and I'm sure my heart stopped beating for the tiniest of moments.

I saw you standing in the corner

On the edge of a burning light

«You,» I managed to choke out, still not daring to think – or say- his name as my heart wouldn't allow such an action.

He nodded, so slightly that I thought I'd imagined it. He moved silently forward, placing one foot hesitantly before the next, but with as much poise and grace as I remembered. His eyes were not quite able to meet mine, and I couldn't help but find that a little odd. Even at the first day of school, where my blood was clouding his mind, he had been staring at me so intently. This was different, and I couldn't help but wonder why that was. I wasn't sure if I liked having this version of him coming towards me.

As he edged closer, stepping out of the shadow and into my line of view, I could finally get a good enough look at him. His hair was sprawled with wet diamonds, his cheeks stained by the rain raging outside. It was a perfect vision, and I wanted nothing more but to capture it forever. My memory just had to do for now, although that was really not reliable in the long run. It had a tendency to trick me every now and then.

I saw you standing in the corner

Come to me again in the cold, cold night

He had moved to my side, sliding off his jacket. Even through his thin, brown v-neck sweater, I could see his toned, hard chest, and I ached to crawl up against it again. The brown fit perfectly against the shade of his hair, and made him seem warmer than the cold 'blooded' man that he was. I moved to the side, allowing him his usual spot beside me. He slid in; every move was hesitant as he tucked the sheet between us so I wouldn't feel the chill radiating from his body. The familiar movement made me smile a bit, though I didn't allow it to reach my eyes just yet. I had no assurance that this was nothing more than a check-up after the stunt he pulled in the forest. He had always been guilt ridden, and I was sure that the sight of my heart being ripped out from my chest was hard for him to deal with everyday. Suddenly I felt grateful that he hadn't seen me later as I was stumbling through the forest with no aim of where to go or what to do with the pieces that was left for me put together. I don't think he'd be able to look at himself as a the human being I saw him as again, but more like the monster he viewed himself as.

«I knew you'd come back,» I said, instantly regretting breaking the comforting – yet unsettling – silence. Immediately, I felt his eyes resting on me for the first time since I'd noticed him standing in my corner. It was burning in the back of my head, but I wasn't ready to turn around and meet it just yet.

«I mean,» I continued, despite the loud voice in my head urging me to shut up and just enjoy the moment. «You said you didn't love me... but that's not true, right? You do love me, don't you?»

His arms pulled tighter around me, his cold hand brushing against my own. I shivered involuntarily, but luckily he didn't pull away. With his steady hand, he tilted my chin upwards, locking my eyes with his. He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. His eyes had always, and would always, speak more than a thousand words ever could.

I knew I was right.

He kept locking my eyes with his, minutes passed and he hardly blinked. I couldn't get enough of him, I was drinking in the darkness of his eyes, the topaz darker than what was healthy for a vampire. His aroma was swirling around me, making me slightly dizzy. I felt my eyes sadden at the memory, and at the sudden realization of how much I'd missed his affect on me. My eyes reached up to his skin, electrics rushing through me as my rough hand met his soft cheek. I let my fingers soak up his face, tracing every curve, every outline and every bump – all as perfect as I'd imagined them. I felt a little awkward, and I was suddenly struck with the feeling of being at an art museum, touching and violating the paintings despite the warnings. The resemblance was uncanny; I had touched him, violated him and become attached despite the countless warnings of him being dangerous, not good for me. Of two things I was certain though; in the long run, he may not have been good for me, I had spent the last months like a zombie after all, with no recognition of how it was to act like a real human being again. Still, I wouldn't have traded off my time with him for anything in the world, especially not now when he was back with me again. The second thing was, he was a far more beautiful creation than any painting or statue cut in marble stone would ever be. Any artist would shake with fury if they'd try, and fail, at never be able to quite duplicate the picturesque creature that was sitting beside me.

I paid a little more attention to the purple rings under his eyes, tracing back and forth with concern. They weren't supposed to become that purple, and he should definitely know better than to allow that to happen. I noticed that he still had a few raindrops a little lower on the cheek. I pulled my hand back a little as I studied it. It was misplaced, yet it was so fitting for the moment. I brushed it gently away, as I'd brush his tears away if he was ever capable of shedding any.

«There's no need to cry. Everything's going to be okay now,» I murmured, mostly reassuring me than him. His eyes saddened, and the corners of his mouth pulled down. His eyes cried out emotions I couldn't name as they bore into mine.

In the midst of this, my own eyes had moistened and were threatening to spill. As he noticed this, he pulled my face to his chest, burying his nose in my hair as he breathed in my scent. I felt him sigh satisfyingly beneath me, and I couldn't help but let a quiet sob escape my trembling lips. I felt safe again. I savored that feeling with all my might.

I wasn't able to keep the tears from flowing, soaking his brown shirt. He didn't mind, he just kept holding me with the same force as always, squeezing gently every now and then when I couldn't help but let out a cry as I relived the horrendous pain of him leaving me. I was a little surprised that I had any tears left to shed; I'd been crying for what felt like nonstop since the day he'd left me. Despite the numbness, I had felt the pain, especially at night. Every night.

The minutes passed, and he was waiting patiently for me to stop. After a few final sobs, I managed to pull away a little from his hold and wipe at my tear stained cheeks. I could sense that my eyes were still moist, but I was confident I would be able to keep them from spilling over again.

«I'm sorry about that,» I whispered, taking a deep breath to steady my cracked my voice. He just looked at me, his mouth pulling a little at the edges, almost showing my favorite crooked smile. He lifted his hand and grazed from the side of my nose, over my cheekbone and down my jaw; so agonizingly slow and light. I wanted nothing more than to lean in to his hand, but I managed to keep completely still as he was reacquainting himself with my face. He leaned in, tracing my collarbone with his nose and placing his ear over my heart. It was thumping unevenly; raging and reacting to every touch and every flow of his scent that came my way at his movements. He listened intently, smiling every now and then at the erratic beating.

I dragged my hand through his haystack of a hair. It was a little stiffer than usual as the rain was drying in it. He vibrated underneath me, his lips moving too fast for me to even try and read his lips, his voice too low for me to comprehend a single word that was said. My mind instantly drifted back to the day in the meadow when his lips had moved in the same manner. «I'm singing to myself,» he'd answered simply. I didn't dare to ask if he was doing that again now.

I felt his arm snake around me, and within a second, he had me lifted and twirled around, now facing him, my face in his hands. His eyes traced my features, his thumbs caressing my cheeks. His lips were moving, only for a second, but no sound came out. Maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me again, I could never trust my eyesight after all. I saw him lean into me, that I was sure of, and I leaned into him, eager to close the little distance that was between us.

I gasped as his cold, marble lips met mine. With his hands on my face, he guided me, placing several feather-like kisses on my flushed lips. He was teasing me, a slight smile playing on his lips as he glanced at my puzzled expression in between kisses.

Somehow, I'd managed to snake my arms around his neck, my fists grabbing his hair, pulling him closer to me. He obliged; there was no way I would've been able to close the distance if he hadn't. This time, our lips clashed harder together, creating joltz of electricy. I'm sure he could feel it too as I heard him take a sharp intake of breath. He didn't pull away as I expected him to, instead, he pulled me even closer, his arms so hard against my back I almost couldn't breathe. I didn't mind, I definitely didn't mind. I decided to try my luck instead.

When our lips parted slightly, I traced my tongue along his lips, savoring the taste of him. His lips didn't part; he was still cautious and he didn't want my fragile skin anywhere near his venomous teeth. But he allowed our lips to move more forceful than ever, dancing in perfect sync. Only for a second,, the moment where he was giving in to his instincts as a man, did he allow our tongues to collide, his raw and cold against my own hot and swollen -it was the very first time, and I had to break apart, finally gasping for air.

You make feel a little older

Like a full grown woman might

As I sat there, panting, him onlytaking a few deep breaths before his breathing was back to normal, he looked at me with sad eyes. I tilted my head to the side, looking at him suspiciously. Something was up; I got the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach I always did when something was wrong. I was perceptive, he had to give me that.

«What's wrong?» I murmured, stretching my hand out to reach him. He took my hand in his, not meeting my eyes. I was on the verge of tearing up again, I had to swallow several times and remind myself to breathe for not to let the lump in my throat get the best of me.

He looked up, meeting my eyes, gazing for a long time. He looked like he was contemplating something, but what, I had no idea. He pulled me closer, his lips locking mine for the longest of time. I felt myself give in again, reaching out to get my hold on him. That was when he pulled away, not allowing us to be reckless for the second time in the same night.

«No, dont,» I whimpered, still holding out my arms. I waited for them to slam into his hard body, but they were met with nothing but cold, thin air. I opened my eyes, expecting to see his smug smile. I saw nothing.

He was gone.

Thousand emotions raged through me at once; happiness because he had been here; fear because I had no idea where he was now, and anger because he'd left me once again. I scanned the dark room, hoping he was just hiding in my closet because he'd heard Charlie stir in his bedroom, or hoping he'd sit in my chair, waiting idly for me to go to sleep.

Suddenly the realization hit me, so hard it almost knocked me over.

He'd never been here at all. My mind had played a trick on me. Again, I thought, but without the thrill of danger this time.

The wind was knocked out of me, and I crashed hard against the bed, my head avoiding the headboard with just an inch. My body suddenly reacted to the cold air in my room as I shook violently, my teeth clasping together with such a force I was worried it would wake up Charlie.

I realized that he had woken up anyway. In the far distance, I heard him flick on the lights on his path towards my room, before his footsteps came to a halt outside. It was then I heard my own voice; the pain evident as it bounced off the pale walls. It was excruciating, but I couldn't stop.

Somehow I managed to find my way under my blankets, pulling them over my head and muffling the loud sound of my pain a little. It wasn't supposed to be this way, I wasn't supposed to slip this badly.

As I laid there, I contemplated closing the window for the first time since he'd left. But even as the wind was hauling outside my window, crying its emotions and muffling mine a little further, I couldn't do it.

I had let myself believe. Believe that one day, he would come back to me. Believe that he would take me in his arms, his hushed voice mending the broken pieces of my heart as his apologies would ring in my ear. «Of course you're the only girl who's ever been capable of stealing my soul,» he'd sing, and I'd believe him.

I knew I would pay for this, not only in the morning, but perhaps in years to come. The hole around my heart was already aching, not even my arms clutched around my body was enough to hold me together. Eventually the belief would turn to sorrow if he were to never come back, but that was something I'd deal with then.

Now, in the midst of my despair, I felt an odd sense of relief washing through me, soothing the rough edges that encompassed the hole in my chest. I could still remember every little fragment of his being, though I'm sure my hallucination did not do him justice. Still, I was confident that I would never forget, that I could not forget the boy who crashed into my life, and changed it forever.

So, I wrapped my blanket harder around me, and kept the window open one more night. I didn't dare to look at the empty corner again. Instead I let my salty tears flow, not once unleashing my body from my arms to wipe them away. The only hushed voice that was heard in the night was my own, «He's going to come back to me someday. He has to.» I could hear the agony in my own voice, and I tried unsuccessfully to drown out the sound, welcoming another sleepless night.

But when you're gone I grow colder

In the cold, cold night

The Nightingale: An Edward/Bella Oneshot

2008-03-29T04:45:34Z

Title: The Nightingale
Characters: Edward/Bella
Words: 4140
Authors note: So. The Twilight bug as bitten me too, and I'm loving every second of it. I think this is the fastest I've ever written anything, and is also one of the things that I'm the most proud of! Thank you to EVERYONE who helped me with this, who read this for me (and those of you that I made read this, he he). And also those of you that helped me come up with things for it. You know who you are, and I'll be forever grateful. Also a huge thanks to my beta Miranda! You're a lifesaver! Uhm... Don't know what else to say. I don't think there are any warnings that should apply to this... I think I've kept it in tune with the books. So, hope you enjoy it, and reviews make me happy )

Summary: "I came to realize, he was the eagle, my protector, as I was now his nightingale; less of a threat, but just as beautiful." An Edward/Bella oneshot about her transformation of becoming a Vampire. Set after Eclipse.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters (although I wish I owned Edward sigh). I also don't own the lyrics that are posted, those belong to Death Cab!

The Nightingale.

It was a weird feeling lying here in white, the silk negligee engrossing my body as I laid in the – I didn't know what to call it, enormous was barely fitting in describing the size of the bed. I shivered at the coldness that was radiating from the body next to me, yet I wasn't freezing as I should have. My body was surprisingly warm, my cheeks flushed as his fingers gracefully swirled the ring around my left ring finger. It didn't feel as heavy as I had first anticipated, it just felt amazingly light. It felt right, like a missing piece had finally found its place in the puzzle, making my world almost whole.

There was still one missing piece, I thought with a shudder, one that would settle my place in this world with Edward forever. Edward instinctively wrapped his arms around me at my shudder, thinking I was cold. I smiled at the sweet gesture, though it did not help with warming my body temperature. I didn't complain though, having Edward's marble skin against me, hard as rock but more gentle than any other person, was more than I could ever ask for.

Our wedding had been a compromise of the extravaganza that Alice wanted, and the non-wedding that I wanted. Close family and friends, although that practically involved all of Forks. Charlie had walked me up the aisle, all the while carrying a strained expression. He hadn't said anything, but I knew as much as Edward that Charlie hadn't taken my being engaged easily. His rage had hit a new level when I had told him about getting married in August, just in time before I would turn 19. Age is just a number and didn't really hold any meaning in the world of Vampires, but even so, I didn't want my age to be a lot older than his technical age. His real age though, if people knew, would make them frown in disgust, and I'd be the perfect material for research about not only daddy issues, but probably grandfather issues as well. I didn't have any grandfather issues, I didn't even know him, but the thought... the thought was highly amusing.

When I was walking up the aisle, Edward had a puzzled look on his face. I realized I couldn't have hidden my amusement well, soon Edward was sharing the look, as if he could suddenly read my thoughts. I started pondering about me being a newborn; if Edward would be able to hear my thoughts, or if I had abilities of my own that was stirring underneath, ready to unveil as I was born into a new world - a world of secrecy, darkness, and... horror. I felt my chest tighten as it always did when I thought of Victoria and James – which of those I had cheated death twice, and Edward coming to my rescue. I quickly composed myself as I thought his name. He was standing there, just a few feet before me, watching me with anticipation as I edged closer and closer to him. His eyes were the perfect shade of topaz, his skin so pale it would make porcelain dolls envious, and his smile so sincere, so soft, he almost looked angelic where he stood. I felt the familiar stinging of not being enough for him; how someone that perfect could love someone as normal as me, was more of a mystery to me than vampires and werewolves had ever been. But yet, here I was, on the threshold of becoming Mrs. Edward Cullen.

I smiled at the memory, my eyes taking a second glance at my wedding band that was still twisting in Edward's lean fingers.

“Yesterday was perfect,” Edward whispered, catching my glance, instantly figuring out what was on my mind. I knew how frustrating it was for him that the one person that was the most important to him – I smiled a little at that – were the one who's thoughts he couldn't hear. He was perfectly attuned to my heartbeat, but my thoughts, those only belonged to me. It made me feel a little more special, and that there was a purpose for it, one that was bigger than me and Edward, I was almost completely sure of. He kissed the top of my head, breathing in my scent. To him, I smelled sweeter than any other person. I was hoping I'd smell as inviting to him in 3 days, as intoxicating as he smelled to me.

“Mhm, it really was.” I smiled against his chest, gently breathing in his cool breath as he breathed. If people thought that oysters were aphrodisiacs, they had never smelt a vampire – I was sure that the smell was the most arousing thing in the world. It made the hair stand up on my arms, my breath was always caught in my throat, and I felt like I was going to hit the ground every time it caught my nose.

I must've dosed off, or passed out, the line was thin and very hard for me to distinguish. I snuggled closer to Edward, trying to forget my nightmare that was very much a reality.

I had thought I'd seen Jacob's eyes outside the church yesterday, his eyes full of knowledge that he and I would soon be mortal enemies. But as soon as I caught it, it went away, and I was left doubting that it had been him at all. I hadn't been sure that I would be able to say goodbye, nor had I been sure that he'd go along with it. It was probably for the best that everything would be left unsaid. He'd probably talk me out of this, and I'm not so sure I'd be able to resist his arguments this time. I was more nervous than I'd ever been, but still, somehow, I knew that this was what I wanted. What I needed. And although it sounded completely and disgustingly cliche, it was what would complete me.

Edward's nose was grazing my wrist, snapping Jacob out of my mind. He was listening to the blood rushing through my veins and breathing in the smell of my blood that would make his mouth water for the last time.The next time, it would be for entirely different reasons. I had to fight a smirk forming on my lips at the thought, and was struck with how grateful I was once again for being the only one that was in my head. I knew well that Edward had more than once grazed the thought of how our second honeymoon night would be and how frightening it could be for anyone in a close distance. Our bodies had been pent up with desire, passion that were only shown with a fraction of what it would have been if I hadn't been so fragile. All of which was ready to be unleashed, an act that would make the Cullen's baseball game seem like the most harmless game of all times.

«Are you sure of this?» he murmured against my wrist, his eyes closed. I swallowed, clearly audible as Edward stopped for a second, so abruptly I thought I'd imagined it.

«Yes, I'm sure,» I answered, trying to keep my voice steady and calm. He must've picked up on the smallest of vibrations in my voice as his eyes opened completely, glancing over at me with furrowed eyebrows.

«You know we don't have to do this. We can always go to Dartmouth for a year.»

I rolled my eyes. Of course he'd like that – that we'd go with his idea instead of mine. I stared deeply in his eyes. They gave away something that his voice was able to hide. Some kind of confusion... like he was torn between being the selfless Edward and continue to let me lead a normal human life for a few more years, and the selfish Edward, the one he talked about as a monster, wanting us to start a joint life together tonight. I continued to lock my eyes with his, trying to follow his lead and let my eyes convey what my voice couldn't.

“No,” I said sternly, surprising even me with how steady it sounded. “I want this!”

A smile crept across his face, melting his features, as well as melting my heart, reassuring me that this was the right to do. Not that there was really any doubt. I had just had cold feet.

His hand that had been gripping around my wrist were now trailing up my arm, his nose following after. His arms found my collarbone, kissing my neck before he rested in the crook, again breathing in my scent. His cool breath hit my skin, the only thing indicating that he was real. He laid so perfectly still, I was afraid to move. It almost made me nervous.

“Edward?” I whispered, letting my hand go through his bronze hair.

“Mhm..” His soft murmur sounded like music to my ears.

“Are you okay?”

With one swift movement my flushed cheeks were in his marble hands. He stared me long and hard, piercing through me, as if he was trying to stare deep into my soul. Maybe for the last time as I'd now be soulless? Would he miss it when it was gone? Would I be less desirable? I quickly shook the thoughts away as I realized it was completely ridiculous. Had I not always thought Edward had a soul, even though he thought otherwise? And had he not said that nothing would change, that I would just be more durable? Yes, I tried to convince myself, he would love me just the same, if not more. I'd never feel inferior to his beauty again; his pale, flawless skin and beautiful eyes were just days away from being mine.

“Bella, my Bella. You're so silly,” his velvet voice rang, before his lips kissed the tip of my nose. “You're the one being reborn, and you're worried about me?”

When he put it that way, it did sound ridiculous. But it's not like he wouldn't be affected either, he would have to watch me hurt for three days. I could see the agony that was in his eyes whenever he thought about how much he'd hurt me before - there was a trace of them in his eyes right now, hiding behind his reassurance.

“No, I just... want you to be okay. I'll be fine,” I added. He smiled at me again, dropping his left hand to my shoulders, trailing my skin with his fingers. I gasped as his cold tongue hit my pulsating neck. “It's time,” I managed to get out, trying to even my breathing so I wouldn't pass out before, although that wouldn't have been a bad thing. His tongue trailed up my neck, his hard mouth leaving gentle butterfly kisses at my jaw line. This was definitely something new, and I didn't hate it. He could afford to be a little bolder now - it was the end of being breakable, and the beginning of being reckless... passionate.

His tongue traced my bottom lip. I dug my hands in his hair, pushing him as close to me as he would allow. I wasn't completely unbreakable yet.

Our lips crashed together. I thought I could feel the house tremble underneath me, but it was obviously just my imagination. This, I thought, would be the last kiss where he would be careful not to hurt my body, the last kiss where we both – but mostly Edward – had to have the self control one could only envy. The last kiss that would make my heart beat ten times faster and so embarrassingly loud that it could be heard by the entire Cullen residence. Last time it would make my blood rush up to my cheeks, giving it the most human tint of red.

I had no doubt in my mind though that his kisses would still taste as sweet, would still be as intoxicating it would make me dizzy and send shivers down my spine, even as a vampire.

He broke apart, a small whimper escaping my lips. A soft chuckle came from the back of his throat, and I knew he was smiling smugly, even with my eyes closed.

“Carlisle,” he said, just an octave higher than normal speaking level, but lower than the yelling normal households would have to do. He wanted to have Carlisle in the room, which I was sort of okay with. He had said that he knew he wouldn't hurt me, but Edward was always one for precautions. He had assured me that it would still be one of the most intimate sessions, as intimate it could be when one was about to die. Technically, I added. Carlisle walked gracefully into the room, standing in the corner, watching me with concern in his eyes. He had no problem with me joining the family, but he knew how this process went. I had been told it was painful and I had experienced it first hand as well, but I was sure that I couldn't grasp just how painful it was when the venom was spreading through the whole body, breaking down my organs on the way.

“I'm ready now,” I said, stealing a glance at Edward, before fixing my eyes on Carlisle. He nodded, not saying anything. Edward had strictly said to act like he wasn't there, that he was only there to observe.

Edward turned his attention back towards me, his finger stroking my cheek.

“I love you,” he said, and I knew that he meant it. “I love you too,” I whispered, my voice caught in my throat of nervousness. He smiled, before turning his attention to my hand. We had decided, together, that we would open old wounds. Although that was never good, usually, it was what felt right to us. He had once drawn out the venom in my blood, and was about to put it in again. His venom, something I was sure would tie us together even stronger in the end.

As I saw him leaning towards my hand, his teeth sparkling in the moonlight, only frightening me a little, I couldn't help but think of Charlie, my Dad, who had only been trying his hardest while I had been here. My mom, who was happily ignorant back in Florida with Paul, Jacob... Jacob who had helped me so much, but in the end was unable to accept my fate. All of Forks; Jessica, Mike, Angela, who had made moving here bearable, before Edward made it complete. All thinking I was on my honeymoon right now, but yet, I was still back in Forks. It was a risk, we all knew that, but this is where I wanted it to happen. This is where I had met Edward, where my life had begun, and this is where I wanted it to end. It would make everything come full circle. We would leave when the transformation was finished anyway, all of the arrangements had been done.

I groaned as his teeth broke through my pale skin, a salty tear slipping down my cheeks at the pain. How long his teeth were in my skin, I have no idea, but the pain, the pain I was sure started right away. It was burning, trickling hot around the wound. A scream was ringing in my ear, frightening me even more. It took a few seconds before I realized that it was me. I tried to compose myself just a little, for Edward's sake.

Where was Edward anyway?

Everything went dark before me, I tried to open my eyes but I couldn't. The pain was too much to bear, and I felt myself slipping more and more away. In the far distance, I could feel cold hands on my forehead that felt unhealthy hot, like I was turning into a werewolf instead of a vampire. I must've been looking for Edward, because soon enough his velvet voice was in my ear, whispering that he was near. Then I heard a familiar tune in the far distance, filling the room, almost making me forget the pain.

It's Edward's lullaby for me, I thought, before I was completely gone.

I woke every now and then, my body turning hot and cold as the venom was spreading through my body. I could only compare this to having a fever, a really high and deadly fever, and far more painful than one I had ever had before. I could see curious faces looking down at me, and I tried to hold out my hand, reaching for Edward. It fell limply down beside me, I didn't have the strength to hold it out for long. I thought I caught Jasper's eyes, full of sympathy for the pain I was going through. Even in the daze, I thought I saw something else... Some kind of relief, now he wouldn't have to restrain himself around me anymore. Soon enough I heard Edward's familiar voice, soothing me as he once again started humming my lullaby. “Sleep, my Bella,” Edward sang in tune with his lullaby. At this point, my body couldn't take the pain anymore. It willingly passed out as his lullaby went on.

The next time I awoke, I awoke with a scream. This memory was the clearest of them all. The pain was still ripping through my body, but instead of being hot and cold, I was just cold. Not in the freezing way - it was comfortable, almost like it was perfectly normal. My hand was clasped in Edward's, entwined as my body shook just a tiny bit. I tried to keep my breathing steady, and I realized that breathing was... less of a necessity than it had ever been before. It was a weird feeling, and it startled me a bit. There really was no way of going back now, my transformation was almost complete. This thought made me go into hysterics, crying a tearless cry as my body fluids were rapidly freezing... or whatever they were doing. I still wasn't sure how this process was. Edward kissed my temples, and untangled our hands. I was left shocked, he was not leaving me in a time like this? Not like last time? My heart couldn't -

I wasn't able to finish my thought as suddenly the softest of all tunes were filling the room once again; the piano had been moved in Edward's – our – room. He was playing my lullaby. It struck me as odd that he wasn't sick of it by now. Not that I was, it would always be my favorite tune. Suddenly I realized that he wasn't just humming, he was singing, his beautiful velvet voice easing my pain just a little bit. I gasped a bit as I realized - my lullaby had words. What the words were, I couldn't quite figure out in my daze, but I knew that they were beautiful. Coming from Edward, they had to be.

“Love of mine, some day you will die, but I'll be close behind...” was all I heard before I sank into unconsciousness, well aware that this would be the last time I would slip into such a sleep again.

The last time I woke up, the pain was completely gone. Edward was the only one in the room, staring at me with curious eyes. I must've looked frightened, my eyes wide open, as his features grimaced a little. His hand went to cup my face, and I immediately leaned in, enjoying his fingers on my skin. For the first time, I didn't feel my heartbeat pounding in my chest, although my senses were still the same; I still felt the same of his touch, hormones running as wild as they had done before. I immediately felt relieved, I'd been worried that whatever hold he had on me would disappear along with my bloodstream. This was another thing I realized, his hands didn't feel hard against my skin anymore. I could already tell that at this point, we were equal. We were like two normal people, with just harder skin than usual. Edward still watched me with concern as I started touching my body, lingering around my heart, really taking in the empty space that was underneath my now marble skin. Sadness filled Edward's eyes, he mistook my gestures for something else, like I was missing my heartbeat. I tried to scoff a little at the thought, although nothing came out. I was not missing something that had been so embarrassing to me, something that was so lethal. I wanted to tell him that I was fine, perfect even, but no words came out. I was still so enthralled by my transformation that I had completely forgotten how to form words.

In the midst of all this, I had completely forgotten my appearance. It must have changed too, at least just a little bit. I broke free from Edward's grasp, and ran to the full figure mirror that was standing in the opposite corner. He seemed a little startled at first, but he quickly found out what I was doing.

My chest tightened when I reached the mirror, my eyes tightly shut. I opened them slightly, almost expecting to see an empty spot of where my reflection would be. I had to laugh at myself and my own stupidity for believing those myths. I gasped quietly as I was ready to take in my own appearance. My features were more vivid than ever, they were almost... gorgeous, I thought to myself. It was an odd feeling, to look in the mirror and really like what you see. My eyes were the deepest shade of brown, just dark enough to be stunning and not at all threatening. My hair was flowing down my shoulders, slightly curling in the end. My wedding dress was flattering around my waist, which seemed tighter than it had ever been. My hips were in perfect proportion to the rest of my body; everything being covered in the most pale, beautiful skin ever. I knew I still wasn't at par with Rosalie and her beauty, but I was close.

I noticed that I had yet to get the really dark rings under my eyes. I didn't really feel hunger yet, I had just been awake for a few minutes after all. Soon enough, I thought, feeling a chill running down my spine. Or maybe it was my imagination, I wasn't sure if vampires were supposed to feel chills.

Edward had crept up beside me, his reflection showing up next to mine. He was anxious, I could tell, his body stiffer than usual where he was standing behind me. For the first time, I felt like I was worthy of Edward, our reflection seemed more right than it had ever done. As cheesy as it sounded, it was like we were made for one another.

“Are you okay?” Edward asked quietly.

“I'm... great!” I managed to stutter. My voice, although with a hint of squeaking, was similar to that of a nightingale, running smoothly across my tongue.

His body relaxed behind me, a smile forming on his lips as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I sighed against his arms, thinking how I could stand like this forever, watching us in the mirror.

“I love you,” I whispered. I had been anticipating that it would seem like I had to convince myself of this fact, but I meant it. If possible, even more now than ever.

“I love you too. I didn't think it was possible for you to be more inviting to me, but you continue to surprise me, Bella Cullen,” he said, his lips instantly searching for my neck. His lips didn't feel cold nor hard on my body anymore. To me, they felt hot, burning through my skin.

I twirled around to face him, inching my face closer, waiting for his lips to meet mine.

My mind wandered to Jacob's analogy he'd made, about the fish and the eagle and the course of the nature. I was the fish, Edward the eagle, and according to Jacob, I would always be his prey. This would have been true if not for the fact that we had now cheated nature, a thought that made me highly amused.

As his lips met mine, more forceful than ever, I felt more whole than I had ever been. I was no longer his prey, Edward was no longer my hunter.

I came to realize, he was the eagle, my protector, as I was now his nightingale; less of a threat, but just as beautiful.

As far as I was concerned, we were equal.

And I couldn't be happier.

Authors note 2: I've been thinking of either writing this from Edward's pov called "The Eagle", or a sequel that is NC 17. Would anyone be interested in any one of these at all?

You Are The One Thing I Need, You Know That I Can Still Breathe

2008-03-25T22:11:33Z

*GASP* I'm back. Sort of, kind of... I really had no choice with the board being hacked and all.
I won't be posting a WHOLE lot, but sometimes.

I have a mission today though. I've read all three Twilight books in record time, and have become completely obsessed. I'm so in love with Edward/Bella, it's not even funny. I love them more than BL at the moment, and that says something!

So in that occassion, I have made an Edward/Bella fanmix =)
The songs are uploaded individually and as a whole, in case you want just a few songs because you have the rest, or in case you want all of them because you have none! =)

Edward Cullen and Bella Swan Fanmix

01. Boys Like Girls - Hero/Heroine

I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?

02. Feeder - Feeling a Moment

Don't ever feel
That you're alone
I'll never let you down
I'll never leave you dry

03. Yellowcard - Dear Bobbie

I'll be fine
When I die, then I die loving you
It's alright, I'll be fine
When I die then I die loving you

04. Plain White T's - Fireworks

I just wanna feel you tonight
making sure the moment's just right
I could die just staring in your eyes
I just wanna feel your heartbeat
hold you even closer to me

05. Death Cab For Cutie - I'll Follow You Into The Dark

Love of mine, some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll f o l l o w you into the dark

06. Holly Brook - Heavy

Underneath the corset of your mystery
Piece by piece u n d r e s s you from your history
I'm sleeping with seclusion in sweet disarray

07. Oasis - Wonderwall

Maybe, you're going to be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my w o n d e r w a l l

08. Keith Urban - Making Memories Of Us

I wanna sleep with you f o r e v e r
And I wanna die in your arms
In a cabin by a meadow where the wild bees swarm

09. Yellowcard - Light Up The Sky

We already k n o w how it ends tonight
You run in the dark through a firefight
I would explode just to save your life
I would explode

10. Goo Goo Dolls - Slide (acoustic)

Oh May, put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are and what you are is b e a u t i f u l
Oh May, do you want to get married?
Or run away...

11. Switchfoot - On Fire

You're on fire when he's near you
You're on fire when he s p e a k s
You're on fire burning at these mysteries

12. Better Than Ezra - Overcome

I feel strange
I feel changed
I feel strange
Overcome
O v e r c o m e by you!

Take whatever you want, and hope you enjoy it =)

13 Friends Only Banners (OTH & Rachel/Adam)

2007-04-06T21:39:14Z

So, I was bored and decided I should give it a go with making Friends only banners. Not that it's exactly hard work though. Anyway, I think I did it again. All the OTH Friends only banners have Sophia in them. lol. I really should do something about my obsession. Anyway, the sizes are all different. It's going to drive me crazy to see it just cluttered all over the place in the entry, but I'm just too lazy to neatly line them up. So cluttering it is. Also, this is my first attempt at the OC art! Yay!

Hope you like them!

As always, a couple of rules:

* No hotlinking
* Credit is not necessary, just don't claim any of my work as your own

[01-10] OTH
[11-13] Rachel/Adam

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Chad/Sophia/James/Brooke Icon post

2007-03-19T21:14:21Z

Rules:
- No hotlinking
- Credit is not necessary, just do not claim any of it as your own.
- Textless avies are not bases. If you want a writing on it, leave me a comment with what text you want and what kind of font you want, and I can add that for you.

Teasers:

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38 Brooke/Sophia avies

2007-03-05T15:52:38Z

So, I decided to finally post some of my avies. I have a few older ones, that are worse than these... I might post them later, or I might not. Dpends on if the icon generator and photobucket are co-operating. So, we'll see!

Rules:
- No hotlinking
- Credit is not necessary, just do not claim any of it as your own.
- Textless avies are not bases. If you want a writing on it, leave me a comment with what text you want and what kind of font you want, and I can add that for you.

Teasers:

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....and Westlife has done it again! // Write Me A List - Prologue

2007-01-11T01:23:15Z

I was watching tv earlier today, and suddenly this commercial comes on tv, and what do I see? Westlife. And what have they done? They have made another cover cd! Just for the record, I can't stand Westlife. The stuff that comes out of their mouths can hardly be called music, unless the stuff that comes out have been sung before by someone much more talented than them. Which it usually have. I think I can count on one hand the so called "hits" Westlife has had that was original Westlife songs. What does that tell us? It tells us that their music sucks so bad, that they have to steal others music. God, I can't stand them. Just writing about them pisses me off, so I think I'll stop!

Anyway, on another note, I just found out that I won't have any money before I pay for the school, which I can't pay for without the money. So I'm screwed, and I have no idea how to get back to my apartment or what I'm going to eat if I ever get there. So I'm screwed basically. Yep, this has been a fun day. *sarcasm*

This post will be short, but I'll post my BL fanfic here! The title is Write Me A List, and it's a songfic to, not surprisingly, Write me a list by Rodney Atkins. It's teen rated for now, but there might be some minor r rated scenes later in the story. But don't worry, I will tell you when it is, so you can either choose to not read it, or skip it when it happens if that's not your thing. lol. It's set in the future, and.. the rest is explained in the prologue! Summary and story behind the cut!

Write Me A List

Summary: At the age of thirty, with two boys at 6 and 4 years old, and a marriage colder than the morgues freezer room, Brooke Davis Scott knew she was living a lie. ‘You're ready for this?’ He asked, his voice was challenging, daring her to say no. ‘Yes,’ she cleared her throat, ‘this is what I want!’

Prologue

Brooke Davis Scott flicked her wrist to check her watch. 2:15 pm. She still had another 15 minutes before the meeting. She walked with a steady rhythm, her high heels echoing through the corridors. There once had been a time when she had loved that sound; it meant that everyone’s eyes would lie on her, and she loved the attention that was given to her when she wore those kinds of shoes.

Now it was different. She didn't need for anyone to know now that she had arrived. She didn't want anyone to know that she was a failure, that her life was a failure. That she wasn't happy.

She had had the perfect life, or so it seemed. She had married her high school sweetheart, Lucas Scott, in their 3rd year of college. He had gone to the University of North Carolina to study literature. She had wanted to go to California to study fashion design, but since grades counted as much as talent, she didn't get in. Therefore, she had gone with Lucas to UNC, and been happy to at least be with him. But somehow, she still had the thought of not being good enough in the back of her head. She was only second best when it came to both school and Lucas. She was sure of it. He had gotten his dream job after college, and she had gotten an office job she really didn't like or was particularly good at.

She wanted to believe that she was independent, believe that being with Lucas wouldn't change her, that it wouldn't change him.
She had fooled herself once again. She had found herself to be increasingly dependent on him as the time went by, without noticing it herself.
Always the last to know.

So she had agreed to marry him. It was the right thing to do. She had been excited of course, but there was still this little voice inside her head telling her not to marry him. Not just yet.
She had ignored the voice, and somewhere down the line, it had been silenced to just a whisper. It wasn't until the last few years it had spoken up again, and now it spoke louder and clearer than ever.

But it wasn’t just her life. She had someone else to consider, too, and that was why she had found herself once again ignoring the voice. Ignoring it for two more years.
Not too long after their 3rd anniversary she had stumbled across this ad in 'Cosmopolitan'. 'Opportunity of a lifetime' had stood there in big, promising letters. It was a competition and Brooke had entered.
She had won, and the prize was to move to New York to work alongside some of America’s most talented designers.
She had been ecstatic, while Lucas had been rather cold about it.
“That's great, dear, “ was all he had said, and continued to watch the basketball game on TV.
She had been hurt by his lack of support and enthusiasm. She had expected more of him.

But her luck did not seem to last. She had been in the process of changing the brand of her pill. The old one was giving her headaches. She had only been off of birth control one day, two at tops. But since they were still a cheesy couple that everyone loudly hated, but silently adored, she got pregnant.
When she had told him the news, he had been so happy.
She knew it was because now she wouldn't be able to leave. Now she would have to be there, for the rest of her life, with him. The thought alone made her run to the bathroom to hug the toilet.
He had laughed it off as early morning sickness, but she knew it was because of him.

She began to hold a grudge towards him. After all, he was partially the reason for why she was stuck in this suck fest. For the second time in a lifetime, her lifetime, the thing she wanted most in the world was slipping away.
Any animosity towards the baby was gone the first time she laid eyes on him.
Little Bryan. She knew she had made the right decision about having him. She spent all of her time with him, and less and less time with Lucas. She kept on telling herself that he deserved it, he deserved her neglecting him.

He began to work late, and she began to have suspicions about him cheating on her again. He was constantly coming home having the infamous lipstick mark on his collar, red wine colored teeth and a perfume scent that definitely was not hers. She never brought it up though, and that was when she realized that everything had changed. She had changed. Old Brooke would never have put up with this; the old Brooke would never have kept silent.

But deep down she knew why she did it. She could tell he was in love with this other woman, but she didn't want him to get out. If she wasn't allowed to, then why should he? She wanted him to stay miserable in this marriage like she was. After all, he had tied her down with a leash. It was only fair that she returned the favor.

He had come home from work one day and had just told her everything. He said he was feeling guilty for everything, and that he wanted for them to be a family again. He had cried, while she had kept still. She could tell he was taken aback by her lack of surprise and her simple 'I know’ response. He had promised that he would never do it again, and she could not help but wonder if he only did this because his girlfriend had broken things off. She wanted to know who it was, but his answer was as simple as hers, 'Not Peyton'. Somehow, she found that a bit comforting.

She had agreed, and once again suppressed the feeling in her gut. He had showered her with compliments and gifts, and she had put on her brightest of the fake smiles to greet him every time he came home. Everything seemed perfect again, but it was far from it. Everything became a routine; the way he emotionlessly told her he loved her each morning, the way she never said it back, the way she silently cried herself to sleep every night, and the way he did the same next to her. There were days where she felt loved, when he did little things like he used to before. When he called her by her favorite nickname, Pretty girl. Those days were good, and everything felt normal. But there were other days that were horrible; where all they said to one another was 'hello' and 'goodbye'. Those days had become too many to count; still, she lived for the good days.

Even their sex had become a routine. They tried to make time for it once a week, just so they wouldn't feel like failures anymore than they already did. He came home with flowers, or sometimes more expensive gifts, but never jewelry. She felt like she owed him something, and caved almost every time. After a while he even stopped making an effort, and simply asked, sometimes begged for it. Way to make a girl feel loved. That had been all she ever wanted; to feel loved, to feel desired. What she did not want was to feel like a piece of meat, with her legs spread whilst he was down there doing his thing.

And if things weren't bad enough, she became pregnant again. She was scared that she would have to relive the last two years, that he would once again find comfort in another woman. But surprisingly he didn't.

Now, at the age of thirty, with two boys, 6 and 4 years old, and a marriage colder than the morgues freezer room, she knew she was living a lie.

Brooke slowed down as she neared the desk that housed the secretary. She straightened her purple top and her plain black pants that were both bought in one of those places that people with high standards would not even look through the window.
There had been a time when it had been unthinkable for her to even buy something so much as a scrunchy in there, but she had learned to settle for less over the years. Right now she was worried if she could manage to make the outfit look like as if it had been hundreds of dollars more expensive than it really was.

She tapped her fingers on the counter in a nervous motion, and cleared her throat loudly, making the secretary look up from her notes.

”May I help you?” She asked blankly. Brooke knew that voice well, she used it too.

”Um, could you tell Mr. Davidson that Brooke Scott is here to see him, please?” The secretary looked a little annoyed, but did as she was told. Brooke looked around the room while she waited. She took in the dull grey walls, and the dull brownish curtains to go with it. She would never get used to being here. The more she looked around the room, the more confident she became that she would have killed herself if she ever had to work here. At least she had added a little color to her office.

”He's ready to see you now. You know where his office is, right?”

”Yes, I do.” Brooke replied. She turned on her heels, and they once again filled the hollow corridors with noise.

She knocked on his door most carefully; her shy presence she had developed during the years was taking the best of her. She heard a muffled 'come in', and opened the door just a little so she could squeeze herself through. She had been there enough to know at just what point the door would make a noise. He didn't say anything until she was settled in the leather chair in front of his desk; her hands tightly folded in her lap.

”You're ready for this?” He asked. She thought his voice was a little challenging, daring her to say no. She therefore nodded her head with determination, making her long dark curls bounce around her shoulders. One tendril landed on her nose, and she quickly wiped it away with her perfectly manicured finger. Well, as perfect as it could be when it was home-done.

”And you're sure this is what you want?” His voice had taken on a more caring tone, a tone Brooke liked better on him.

”Yes,” she cleared her throat, “this is what I want.”

”Okay. Everything has been taken care of; all you need to do now is sign the divorce papers.”

She slowly grabbed the pen that was offered to her, and with shaking hands, she signed the papers perfectly, even making little hearts on top of her i’s.

The easy part was done. The hard part had yet to come.

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